“There can be only one”

On April 1oth your friendly neighbourhood Rogue Advisor set the task to create an awesome character to win a rather humble prize. Using Hero Machine 2.5 you, beloved reader, had the challenge to create a new and awesome character.

The response overwhelming, thus even though the deadline for entries was the 21st, the colossal task of selecting the best from so many awesome characters has taken yours truly until now to decide who will become the proud new owner of a plush Boba Fett.

With HeroMachine 2.5, you can create groovy characters such as this perfectly accurate depiction of yours truly.

With HeroMachine 2.5, you can create groovy characters such as this perfectly accurate depiction of yours truly. Protector of London.

It was tough choosing, and believe me beloved reader,I have tried to be as fair as possible in my selection from the 167 entries. Yup. 167. Not bad for a blog that’s been  running for a few months.

Bizarrely only one of my Facebook chums bothered to enter, yet I had 23 entries from beloved readers in the realm known as Canada and 34 from people I have never met in Poland!

Shame be upon thee and thine Facebook ‘chums’

With mild disappointment in the aforementioned, yet overwhelmed by the coolness brought to you today. I present to you in this post of creative glory from around the globe, the best 5 original characters.

But first

The one Facebook chum that bothered to enter, who is more than just some bloke I chat with online, is presented here as a bonus. I’m sorry Double-G, but your friendly neighbourhood Rogue Advisor cannot in good conscience allow favouritism to get the better of me.

Besides which, my cowl increases my moralistic logic, thus you have not won the prize my friend. But I will show your creation to the world!

Daichi

How sweet, innocent and virginal she looks. That cat looks dodgy though.

How sweet, innocent and virginal she looks.
That cat looks dodgy though.

Double G, being  as awkward as ever, has 2 pictures, thus we will have to rearrange the layout just for him, and cough up the background story first.

Origin: Daichi Me’anor was an innocent Japanese schoolgirl. Her father really wanted a son and was really mean to Daichi, giving her a boy’s name and constantly demeaning her as well as renting her out to her dads evil corporate friends including the head of the Japanese World Police (JWP). She was abused so much that a demon came to her and offered to help free her from her father, in return for her soul. Daichi was so desperate she agreed.

The demon did as he had agreed and freed Daichi, by killing her father and framing her. The JWP arrested, tried and executed her, sending her soul to hell. In hell she was tortured and broken for what felt like an eternity to her. Eventually she grew to like it. (Always time for a little S&M)

Reforming her broken body with scavenged limbs from other broken souls she grew strong. Eventually her evil demeanour and damn craziness drew the eye of a powerful prince of hell; he saw a lot of potential in her and wanted to raise her from her sorry state. He tutored her in demonic powers and dark sorceries and let her gobble down on his evil gargantuan engorged power (or other p word).

Eventually the prince of hell felt that she needed to progress to the next stage in her training. Casting her out from hell with only the few powers that had been taught her the prince demanded that she defeat her own demons from her past before he could bless her with her own proper demonhood; he ordered her to hunt down and get vengeance on the friends of her father, for the abuses they had inflicted on her flesh and for putting her to death and sending her to hell.

But standing outside the gates of hell Daichi is torn. She can see the dark path laid out before her but dare she tread it? Is there another path she can walk? Will she hunt down and brutally murder all those who had raped her as she was supposed to? Perhaps she should go and try to find the one friend she had when she was alive, then she could ask for advice…..

Miss Daemon Meaner

By George Douglas Gregory, London, UK.

By: George Douglas Gregory, London, UK.

Powers / Abilities:  When first let loose from hell she does not have a full grasp of her powers, but is able to summon demonfire and befuddle minds, especially of men (Succubus style). She can also conceal her demonic appearance, at least for a short time (but if she gets excited she loses her camouflage).

Skills: She loves Sadomasochism and is obsessed with blades, needles, whips or anything that she can use to inflict or receive pain.

Statistics: Strength-33, Agility-89, Speed – 75, Endurance – 28, Intelligence – 55, Charisma – 87

What can I say? I know you were trying hard to appeal to my nature to win, knowing that I would appreciate the similarities with the Spawn storyline, my affection for Japanese school girls, and you even did a little research  (or maybe a really unlikely fluke), naming her Daichi which roughly translates as first blood. Nothing to do with Rambo though. But now, on with the show.

"There can be only one"

“There can be only one”

As I laboured affectionately through the 167, (I’m still impressed with that number), entries, I had certain criteria to be adhered to, mostly originality and sustainability. The character had to fresh and new, unlike what has gone before but also able to keep readers and /or viewers interested if the character ever got a comic and / or TV show for a long period of time.

As for the 161 characters that didn’t make it to this post; fear not beloved reader, as your friendly neighbourhood Rogue Advisor will be adding a databank of these creative gems to Level Up, thus they will not go unseen by the world. It may take a while, Google translate is pretty good, but I have had to use it on most of the entries. Some things may have been lost in translation.

Boom Daddy

By: Alan Myers, Southend-On-Sea, UK

By: Alan Myers, Southend-On-Sea, UK

Powers and abilities: Ex-Marines turned nightclub DJ, Danny Greenway, has no powers that could be described as ‘super’. He trains physically to almost Olympic level fitness, and is a peerless marksman.

Skills: He was a bully at school, but also got bullied himself for being so vertically challenged. He is only 5′ 3″, (Rogue Advisor’s note; that’s the same height as Wolverine. Really. Hugh Jackman is way too tall for the role; should have been played by Peter Dinklage), and all the beatings he took and gave made him a well ‘ard brawler.

When he left school he joined the Royal Marines; according to the revised height requirements he only just managed to join. He served for 6 years, becoming a Paratrooper and familiarizing himself with every combat technique and weapon possible. He spent some time as a sniper, now he has the patience of a chopping block.

Statistics: Strength-76, Agility-68, Speed – 64, Endurance – 98, Intelligence – 46, Charisma – 13

Origin: He left the marines in 2012, during the recession and couldn’t find a job, so he ended up sleeping on his mate’s couch. Paul Kenny, his accommodating friend, was a successful DJ at many clubs in the Essex area, (That’s South-East England for our non-British readers info), and in his spare time taught Danny the fine art of being a DJ. Soon enough, Danny was part-time DJ-ing and had another part-time job training Territorial Army recruits.

Unknown to Danny, while he had been gone, a drug war had started in his home town of sunny Southend-On-Sea. Paul had become part of this, allowing the Wickers gang sneaky entry into the clubs he DJ-ed at in return for a cheeky profit. But this backfired when the Cheung triad gang from York Road Chinatown killed most of the Wickers gang in a club called T.O.T.S, (Talk of the South), in a massive bloodbath shootout. Paul, the Cheung gang thinking him one of the Wickers gang, was kidnapped, tortured and mutilated beyond recognition before dying from his severe wounds.

The police couldn’t identify his corpse, because he was discovered naked, with no I.D, all his teeth had been pulled out and all his fingers cut off. The rest of Paul was so horribly burned and mutilated, they actually had trouble figuring out what gender he was.

He found this out from one of the few surviving member of the wickers gang, a 15-year-old burglar called Jamie Witt. Danny swore revenge. He took Paul’s identity, gaining him a lot of money to work on his plan of vengeance. Then he bided his time a little, drank a lot, which gives him his jaundiced appearance caused by liver damage, until the police investigation was over and the building the club was in was back on the market. By this time he was a full-blown alcoholic.

He purchased the nightclub formerly known as T.O.T.S, and refurbished it under the guise of a steel mill. He accomplished this by calling i some favours from his old Marine buddies, and bringing in an unholy amount of weaponry at the same time.

He took Jamie the young burglar under his wing, for scouting purposes, along with the most promising selection of his students at the Territorial Army Base. He wears no disguise, when he kills his enemies, he wants them to know who done it. The war rages still, the Cheungs are many and Boom Daddy’s crew are few, But he will never stop.

The Iron Valkyrie 

By: Addi Lund, Denmark.

By: Addi Lund, Denmark.

Powers / Abilities: She has all the battle prowess and fighting skills you would expect from a Valkyrie, one of the greatest warrior maidens of Valhalla. Her real name is Helga Grímnismál; her strength and equestrian abilities are second to none. She is ambidextrous, choosing to dual wield war axes with unerring accuracy. She can communicate with horses and ravens, and these creatures will fearlessly do her bidding,  no matter the task.

Skills: She has been a passionate smith since she was 8-years-old, working the forge everyday. Such dedication to the craft of smithing granted her great strength, endurance and of course remarkable skill.

Any weapon she makes seems to never need to be sharpened, the armour she has forged have saved countless lives. Her dual war axes are virtually indestructible as is her armour. She also carries a selection of differently weighted throwing axes, meant for different ranges of attack and for penetrating different kinds of armour.

Statistics: Strength-98, Agility-88, Speed – 74, Endurance – 89, Intelligence – 62, Charisma – 48

Origin: Helga is a true native of Valhalla, for 33 years her life was nothing more than combat, combat practice and working the forge. One day though she was exiled, given no explanations as to what her crimes were.

She found herself in Romania, minus all her equipment but not her combat skills and stoic resolve. A woman of her abilities found it easy to get things done in such a place, she forged new equipment, disapproving of the weak steel found on Earth.

Now she strives to clear her name and return to Valhalla. Little did she know that it was her jealous ex-lover Zane Jensen, who knew he could never be the warrior nor smith she was, who had set her up. He had ensured that she brought a cowards soul to Valhalla.

Merpyro

By: Albert Slusarczyk, from: Plock, Poland.

By: Albert Slusarczyk, from: Plock, Poland.

Rogue Advisor’s note: Google translate is particularly poor with Polish language, so I have had to assume and / or guess what Merpyro is all about.

Powers /Abilities: At 2.6 metres tall, Merpyro is hard to miss, and with his size comes strength comparable to the Fantastic Four’s Thing. He dubbed himself the King of all the Swamps, as he can teleport from swamp to swamp all over the planet.

His scaly flesh acts similar to scale mail armour, and once again is on par with the Things toughness. He is immune to fire and all related fire-based attacks. If attacked with fire, he will absorb it, store it in his bloodstream and then may later produce an equal amount to that absorbed to be used as he pleases. Also he can control the absorbed fire, as seen in the picture in his left hand, he can convert it to light rays. The absorbed fire can be directed and controlled into columns, pillars, walls, shields, balls and cone-shaped forms of attack; a great method for crowd control. Sometimes he even wears it as a hat.

Of course he is an amphibian, making him capable of breathing both air and water, his gills also function as a filter, making him immune to any airborne toxins. If, somehow he finds himself trapped in a place with the only breathable source being a finite amount of oxygen, he can slow his metabolism to crawl; slowing his breathing to use what is available as efficiently as possible.

No reptilian creature will ever attack Merpyro, and even though he is mute, he can communicate with them emphatically. Reptiles no matter how small will always come to his aid.

Being somewhat reptilian himself he has perfect camouflage abilities, but only if he hasn’t absorbed any fire, it will make him appear as a ghostly outline. He regularly cuts off his own tail, just to let a new one grow back and choose a new colour for it.

Being a lumbering giant of a creature, you’d expect him to make a lot of noise and be clumsy; this is not so when in swamp land. He moves through swampland in complete silence, leaves absolutely no trace of where he has been and can make his presence undetectable even by those with mind reading powers, and is odourless when in that environment.

However, his powers, strength and even cognitive abilities will slowly degrade if he is not in a swamp environment.

Skills: He is master of an unarmed  Martial art as yet unknown to most of the world. The movements are heavy-duty grappling techniques combined with massive strikes, somewhere between wrestling and kick boxing. He can without peer track anyone or anything on swamp territory, even the invisible and silent can be found by him. Below the statistics shown in brackets are when he is away from swamp territory.

Statistics: Strength-100, (57) , Agility-76,(23), Speed – 68, (13), Endurance – 100, (40),, Intelligence – 33, (12), Charisma – 48, (11), always counts as 100 when dealing with reptiles.

Origin: Little is known about Merpyro, because he is mute he is unable to communicate with anyone who is not reptilian. He has never attacked anyone without provocation, unless they are hunting in his swamp. There is a rumour, because of his teleportation ability that  there are more than one of  Merpyro. There have been reports of his sightings for centuries, giving speculation to how old he really is and has been publicised in some media as ‘big foot’.

The Chaplain

By:Carter Wilson, New Brunswick. Canada.

By: Carter Wilson, New Brunswick. Canada.

Powers /Abilities: Incredible strength, which increases with his ‘Holy rage’. In this state of clearly not normal sanity, he feels no pain, and will attack with his knuckle duster / battle axe combo weapon anyone and everyone, friend or foe.

He is the guy you send in to clear a room full of bad-mofos. Possibly torturing the last survivor for fun. The pages of the strange ‘Holy book’ he carries give him divination powers, such as clairaudience and clairvoyance.

Even without consulting the tome, he can predict events several seconds into the future. it also increases his charisma, so that he may ‘convert’ others to his warped religion. The book is an actual living entity that is symbiotic. It has merged with his mind sending him into the depths of true irreversible madness.

Skills: Real name Javier Ramirez is an expert in Mexican wrestling, and thanks to the book he holds onto so dearly, he can communicate in every dialect of every language. The intelligence in brackets below is his natural score; the book increases his IQ.

Statistics: Strength-78 , Agility-43, Speed – 39, Endurance – 99, Intelligence – 96, (12), Charisma – 75, (9 without the book, he ain’t pretty and has a very bad attitude as is)

Origin: Ever since he was a young boy, he wanted to dominate the Mexican wrestling scene, which he accomplished, undefeated in over 123 bouts. But his family were poor and his mother dying, she needed treatment he could not afford, and the wrestling prize money just wasn’t enough. He turned to crime and began a racketeering business. until one day, whilst holding aloft a scrawny bookshop proprietor, he was offered the ‘Holy book’ as collateral for the protection money owed.

The book instantly began to take a grip on his weak mind. He snapped the neck of the shop keeper, (the shadowy figure behind The Chaplain in the picture), who had actually planned the whole thing, Thinking nothing more of it The Chaplain went on to his next illicit collection point.

The old shop keeper is the voice of the book, and the targets selected to be killed are all non-Catholics. The Chaplains mind has been warped into that of a religious genocidal maniac.

The Victor!

Larcen Yart

By: Hunter Tremblay, from Manitoba, Canada.

By: Hunter Tremblay, from Manitoba, Canada.

Powers and abilities: Larcen was born with ability to absorb and integrate any DNA, picking and choosing what he would like to add, sometimes using DNA coding to remove flaws in himself. This has allowed him to acquire a varied range of strange and unique powers.

This is accomplished by simply touching the living creature with the DNA he desires, but there is a drawback; sometimes he will take on physical characteristics of the creature from the new DNA, changing his appearance on a regular basis. Very useful in his trade as an intergalactic smuggler.

All his attributes have been improved through DNA remodelling, he has heightened senses of smell, vision, (he can now see in all spectrums of vision), and hearing, he changed his sense of touch to make his pain receptors less sensitive and his pleasure receptors more powerful. He increased his bone density to that of steel, and increased the range of his ligaments and tendons to be able to contort into very small spaces. He has boosted his metabolism to an astonishing rate, because of this he heals and recovers from diseases and viruses, (from which he can also utilise the DNA of), but must compensate by taking in a vast amount of calories. He has camouflage abilities, but they’re imperfect, he shimmers as he does. His DNA remodelling is not perfect. He does however have a perfect ‘Spidey sense’, that warns him of imminent danger. DNA remodelling has allowed him to breath in various environments, including underwater. He cannot absorb any knowledge with this power though.

Skills: He is a tech genius, but not with weaponry. He wears on his left hand a force field generator, it has 2 projection point to be able to project 2 different kinds of field at the same time if required. The force fields produced can take the form of shields that protect from physical, energy, nuclear, gaseous and explosive attacks.

Attached to his right wrist is a scanning device, that can detect any life form and analyse it from a distance of up to 12 kilometers. The collar he wears acts as a translating device and also allows him to survive in environments he hasn’t absorbed the DNA for.

Statistics: Strength-65, Agility-92, Speed – 92, Endurance – 72, Intelligence – 88, Charisma – 79

Origin: He was raised as an only child by his father who was the man that taught him all his tech knowledge. As  a child though, when running a simple errand he was kidnapped by slavers, to be sold for sordid tasks.

Being unaware of his power, each of the 7 men who took him had manhandled him at various points, unknowingly giving him their DNA. The DNA remodelling takes days, sometimes even weeks, so he was trapped on the slavers ship for some time with other slaves, whose DNA he made sure to absorb also. After the remodelling was complete, he was the fastest, strongest and toughest on the ship.

He freed the other slaves and took the vessel as his own. However after travelling so long and far, he had no idea where he was. Some of the slaves remained with him to crew the vessel, even though none of them knew how to navigate through the stars, but some were pilots. They now spend their days smuggling, Larcen is now notorious with the intergalactic authorities, but extremely hard to identify due to all the DNA remodelling.

Conclusion: A group of original and sustainable characters from the four corners of the Earth, all have their merits. But Larcen Yart, the name alone, get it? Larceny art. Roguish genius.

So if Mr Tremblay will send me via e-mail the postal address he wishes his prize to be sent to, he will soon be the proud new owner of he-who-survived-the-Sarlacc. Yay

Please feel free, beloved reader to submit characters any time you please to augment the database. They will be eligible for future competitions.

Until next time. Keep Creating.

 

The Legend of You

It should really be called the Legend of Link, not the Legend of Zelda.  Coming from humble beginnings he struggles against monsters, dungeons and awkward Nintendo puzzles. But that teasing, troublesome tart Zelda never even gave our hero a flash of boob for all his daring efforts.

You deserve better Link. I'm sure there are plenty more pointy-eared princesses out there who would be gagging for a bad-ass adventurer like yourself.

You deserve better Link. I’m sure there are plenty more pointy-eared princesses out there who would be gagging for a bad-ass adventurer like yourself.

What kind of legend are you?

There is a legend inside us all, but nobody is born that way, we all have to start somewhere.  Heroic tales of regular folk rising to the challenge, facing all the trials that Hyrule / London / New York / Tokyo etc. can throw at them and coming out on top. Heroic tales wouldn’t be nearly as inspiring without all the effort they put in to conquer hardship, yet come out on top. Yay for the underdog.

Our multi-talented hero will even go so far as to risk a time / space paradox that could potentially destroy the known universe by learning the Song of Storms from a man in the Kakariko village, then travelling back in time and playing the Song of Storms in the windmill in as a child; so that same man learns the tune and can then teach it to Link in the future. What lengths will you go to in order to reach your goals?

So what can we learn from this damsel rescuing, dungeon delving, Paradox dodging, all round awesome adventurer?

What can’t we learn from Link? He’s a freakin’ legend. But we need to be ‘realistic’ about things, so here’s how we apply his heroic endeavours the Level Up way. Yay.

Find your motivation then explore everything

First you need to figure out what you want. Finding the motivation was easy for Link; he unwittingly found a sword, got a quest from a talking tree, busted his way through a bunch of dungeons, did a little time travel via an ocarina, kicked Ganondorf‘s ass and rescued the prudish princess.

Adventurers back in these days were total bastards. They'd barge into your gaff, uninvited, smash all your pots looking for your hidden rupees, and once totally looted be on their merry way.

Adventurers back in these days were total reprobates. They’d barge into your gaff uninvited, smash all your pots looking for your hidden rupees, and once totally looted and vandalised, they’d leave the legal tenant of the property rather disgruntled and in poverty, and be on their merry way.

There are literally thousands of fitness routines, skills and proficiencies out there; even ways to become smarter, so explore everything. Decide which attribute or skill you wish to work on, but make it something you really want, something fun or even something profitable. It really has got to be something you want though. Nobody ever succeeds getting in shape for the sake of it, or learning a new skill unless there’s a good reason or desire for it. Once your goals are defined, add the all important motivation. Like wanting to do serious strength training to be able to lift all those pesky rocks that seem to cover the entrance to anything useful in Hyrule, or training for a specific skill such as archery to clear those dungeon critters at long-range, or get up close and personal with some Swordsmanship. Then the motivation should fall sweetly into place. Once you have  a specific goal in mind, and the motivation has dug its heels into you, it’s on to the next nugget of Hyrulian wisdom.

Use the right tools for the job

Link's inventory clearly demonstrates my well-informed point.

Link’s inventory clearly demonstrates my well-informed point.

Link didn’t just charge straight through Hyrule, confront Ganondorf, grab little miss never-puts-out and ride off into the sunset. He had to run a gauntlet that covered all of Hyrule, in both past and present, each step of the way he was faced with obstacles that required him to figure out exactly what he needed for the task at hand. It wasn’t always obvious what he needed either; maybe a hook-shot to enter the forest temple, iron boots to navigate the water temple or a colossal hammer to smash stuff that allowed access to other areas.

The same applies to taking on a journey to learn and / or improve skills and attributes. There will be a lot of trial and error finding the correct method to achieve what you want. Always give new ideas a try, but be weary, there are many fads out there waiting to take your hard-earned rupees, be sure to research thoroughly and pay nothing up front. The minions of evil are trying their darndest to sabotage us and our quest to legendary status. They’re even making a profit from it. Check out these disturbing links: The Flex Belt, Ab Circle Pro, and my all time favourite ridiculous, ineffectual piece of rubbish Power Spin. Beware, beloved reader, these are the tools of the foolish, not the tools of the legendary.

As anyone can clearly see, this is f**king retarded. These are not the tools you're looking for.

As anyone can clearly see, this is f**king retarded. These are not the tools you’re looking for.

Find the right training for the results you want

Sounds a lot simpler than it is. You need to know what kind of training will garner the results you are after. You won’t be a great basketball player if you go powerlifting and don’t instead practice plyometrics. Not doing your research may lead you into fitness ruts, you could end up doing the same ineffectual workouts and be totally befuddled as to why it’s not working. Going to the gym and feeling obliged to bodybuild is a fine example of a fitness rut; Lifting heavy on a split body part routine whilst pumping yourself full of excessive amounts of protein aren’t the right tools to become an endurance athlete for example. I know how tricky it is to go to gyms and avoid the bodybuilding peer-pressure, don’t misunderstand me, beloved reader, there is nothing wrong with bodybuilding if that’s your goal, but these vile dungeons called gyms are full of meat-heads, jocks and gym-rats and are quite the environment of unspoken coercion. All you have to do to avoid this awful phenomenon is visualise those that have fallen for some fitness fad-trap, (cue Admiral Akbar), there will be plenty of them in there, and realise how sickeningly sycophantic they are; then have a great workout knowing you will reach your goals because you’ve dodged that misinformation bullet, whilst they probably don’t even know what they are working toward at all, and more than likely quit after a few weeks.

Most of you will probably want to train more sports / skill specific; muscular endurance and flexibility for Martial Arts, cardiovascular endurance to compete in marathons or for the true bad-asses, like Link, go and compete in the pentathlon with his swimming skills, constantly running everywhere, equestrian prowess, unrivaled marksmanship and expert swordsmanship, he’d totally own it.

Training can all be accomplished in the gym or at home, even outdoors if you don’t mind the inarticulate japes of the ignorant and sedentary that plague the streets. At home is my personal preference, that way I can avoid distractions from people who use the gym solely as a social gathering, and the gym-rats trying to ‘inform’ you. Plus home training always allows access to the equipment I require, without waiting for some rude guy using what I need to use and is unwilling to share. The choice of training environment will depend greatly on the skill you are improving.

Don’t be shy to use assistance or ask for help

Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me.Please don- What? Your helpful. You look like the nototrious soul sucking goth queen of Camden.

“Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me.
Please don-” “What? Your helpful. You look like a Camden skag head that levitates.”

Link asks for help all the time, even though he is truly bad-ass, he knows in his rather ample stores of applied wisdom, that he cannot complete this epic solo quest without a boost from some unlikely new friends. He enlists help from frog choirs to families that have been magically transformed into Skulltulas, from going through overly long trials and tribulations to acquire a new song from some twat who wants nothing more than to inconvenience our hero, to that brutally hard second race on Lon Lon Ranch to get Epona whose help is essential to help get him through his epic quest.

If you’re hitting it hard on the bench press don’t be shy to ask for a spot, that is assuming you don’t have a training partner, if not there can some agreeable and amiable folk to be found in the gym, far fewer than your friendly neighbourhood Rogue Advisor would like, but there are some helpful chaps and lasses.

Or if you can’t manage to perform pull-ups yet, don’t feel abashed, regardless of the disapproving looks you may get from the gym-rats, about using the pull-up assist platform on the gym’s machine, remember that those meat-heads and jocks had to start somewhere as well, so screw them and their arrogant criticism. They probably have erectile dysfunction after all the steroids they’ve pumped themselves with. Or if you’re attempting pull-ups at home, work up to them gradually, start off with inverted rows, then maybe hit the pull-up bars with the assistance of resistance bands, like our hero Link, you will get there eventually. If you put in the effort, it really is just a matter of time.

The perfect assistance with pull-ups, especially when in a very spikey room. EEK.

The perfect assistance with pull-ups, especially when in a very spiky room. Does Batman know he has this?

Don’t bite off more than you can chew 

Link didn’t strut straight up to Ganondorf / Ganon thinking he could take the gargantuan villain on right away, he knew he had to work up to it. And work hard he did, numerous dungeons did he delve through, gathering all the items and power ups he would need to face such a deadly adversary.

Unlike the gym-rats, Link is quite capable of taking on this guy. He's done the training, done the research and selected the right tools for the job.

Unlike the gym-rats, Link is quite capable of taking on this guy. He’s done the training, done the research and selected the right tools for the job.

Basically, leave your ego at the door when you enter the gym. I see way too often, guys slapping on the poundage on a barbell, that they clearly cannot lift properly. They pick it up swing it all over the place with awful technique and form, and gaining very little for their ‘efforts’. Their ego said “lift heavy”, this is good advice, but what is meant by lifting heavy is the greatest weight you can mange, not a vast amount of iron beyond your current capabilities. Remember it is the exercise itself that produces the anabolic effects we desire, the weight is merely there to offer resistance. With consistent training that resistance will increase when you train with perfect form. It wont increase if your cheating the movement by swinging, potentially risking injury, and looking foolish to anyone with even a smidgen of kinesiological knowledge. Behold, exhibit A:


But that’s not to say don’t push yourself a little harder each workout. If you can add some resistance, then do so. Strength training, or any kind of training for that matter is a slow progress. Kind of like geology; it takes time and pressure added in carefully measured increments. Always keep a record on an Excel spreadsheet, it’s a really handy tool to keep track of weights / reps / sets /distance etc. also it’s really nice to look back a few weeks through your training log, to see how well you’ve progressed. A good motivational tool.

Great for adding resistance to chins, pull ups, dips and completing the water temple.

Great for adding resistance to chins, pull ups, dips and completing the water temple.

A rest day is a rest day

I’ve heard way too much bullshit about ‘off’ day conditioning. The point of a rest day is to recover, that’s when the magic happens. All physical attributes grow during the days off, don’t add any more. If the training regime requires rest days, you must take them. That’s not to say do completely nothing on those days. Light activity, known as ‘active rest’, is a great tactic. Engage in some light activity such as walking, playing pool, and of course fishing. It’s when your resting after training and getting proper nutrition, that your body is making its repairs, leading to the attribute, skill and sports performance gains you worked so hard for in the workouts.

Even our intrepid hero takes a relaxing break from adventuring. Link knows the value of recovery.

Even our intrepid hero takes a relaxing break from adventuring. Link knows the value of recovery.

Never quit

Does Link simply hang up his sword, shield, bow, boomerang, ocarina, various masks and bottled fairies to call it a day? Nope. But that doesn’t mean be too strict. If your working hard, taking an extra day off as a reward is fine, having a filthy great cheat meal like a massive pizza is fine too. But don’t make a habit of it. Sure, the results of training are the rewards of our work. But without our little evils, we will end up wondering why it’s worth it, we are not machines. Yet. Viva Skynet.

Until next time. Stay informed.