Diana Prince is like some of her other comrades in the Justice League, she is an outlander.
Superman and Martian Manhunter both come from other planets, which is more extreme, but doesn’t detract from the fact she spent many years isolated on a paradise island with nothing to do but train, train and train some more.
This workout should have a larger target audience to be fair, not just our beloved comic fan’s admiration of the title heroine, but also for RPG warrior players and fans of Link.
For in this gruelling regime we will be getting you ready to fight sword and shield style, like an Amazonian princess is trained, and like an adventurer is trained.
The Amazonian Warrior Workout
What in Gaia’s name is this CrossFit business? It sounds like a fitness fad, aren’t we supposed to avoid those?
It’s fairly new on the fitness industry scene but it has been around for quite a while and has proven it’s worth. It will turn you into a true warrior.
CrossFit’s origin comes from it being used as the principal strength and conditioning program for many police academies, tactical operations teams and military special operations units. I feel that should endorse the value of this workout.
Designed specifically for training people who will see real combat scenarios upon a real battle field. So effective is CrossFit that soon it’s regime was adopted by champion martial artists, and hundreds of other elite and professional athletes worldwide.
Unlike the other DSWs, the periodization will only be reflected by increased reps, increased weight or time reductions. CrossFit is a different animal altogether, that doesn’t care for hypertrophy nor focusing on one component of fitness at a time.
Be sure to carb up an hour before each session, at least 90 grams of complex slow releasing carbs. I strongly suggest doing this with a high carb protein shake, they will absorb quickly and leave nothing in your digestive tract to puke up.
The workouts are so intense, hurling from the exertion does happen. Been there, done that, but to my credit carried on, my resulting time was abysmal, however, I persevered, and if a guy who isn’t genetically geared for fitness and spent most of his teenage life as a porker that ain’t too shabby.
Phase 1: The 5 workouts – 4 weeks
That’s right, beloved reader, you’ve got 5 workout sessions, one for each of the 5 ‘working’ days of the week.
As always; when your friendly neighbourhood Rogue Advisor plans these sojourns to levelling you up in a considerate manner that gives you the weekend off.
Ain’t I a darlin’.
Each session is a race against the clock; that doesn’t mean sacrificing good exercise form just to teach a stop watch who’s boss though.
As soon as you’ve finished one exercise you move straight on to the next, no fancy sets with ‘rest’ periods in this brutal regime.
Unfortunately, Level Up being the impoverished little organization it is at the moment doesn’t have the means for your friendly neighbourhood Rogue Advisor to instruct you in the exercise techniques himself.
Level Up will have a studio soon. Just gotta get the funding.
Until then, beloved reader, you’ll have to make do with the ‘best’ instructional videos the internet has to offer.
Do not heed the falsehoods of the instructors unless otherwise stated, just copy the exercise technique.
You don’t need to go to that vile nest of hormonally manipulated meatheads the gym for the during first workout at least.
You could do this workout in the park, all you will need is a decent tree branch to use as a pull up bar.
Run a mile: These exhausting workouts will tax you to your body to its limits. Aim for a 10 minute mile, that’s the rough average for most people. Attempt to decrease the time with each session.
Pull ups: Find your tree branch, or if you’re in the gym the chinning bar, and do as many as possible. Some advice to work up to ‘full-bodied’ pull ups.
Decline press ups: Immediately after finishing the pull ups, find something to raise your feet onto, a park bench will suffice, and get pressing, do as many as you can.
Bodyweight squats: Back up on your feet instantly and perform as many as possible.
Run another mile: That’s right, beloved reader, we begin and finish the first workout with cardio. Even though you should be tired by now, still try to beat your original time.
Challenge time: The goal is to complete the circuit in 40 minutes, but an hour is a perfectly respectable time.
By the end of this phase you should be hitting at least 25 pull ups, 50 press ups and 100 squats, but of course aim for more. It will be important for later workouts.
A short yet exhausting workout for Tuesday, only two exercises but vital ones for warrior skills. Complete this circuit 3 times. 21 reps on the first, 15 on the second and a mere 9 on the third.
Jumping pull ups: A lower impact version, with different applications to the regular pull up, designed with producing killing machines in mind.
If you can’t perform all the reps required in one sitting then have a short ‘rest’ and carry on the same exercise until they are all done. Imagine combat scenarios when performing all these exercises and what their application would be.
Despite the video’s instructor’s ‘advice’, only use overhand grip.
Thrusters: Unless you have a decent barbell set at home, you’ll need to be in the gym for this one.
Challenge time: 10 minutes. Harsh isn’t it. But that’s the kind of terrifying training Diana would have done.
This workout we shall dub ”The Seven’. As the name implies, perform seven reps of each exercise, for seven devastating circuits.
Handstand push ups: The ultimate deltoid bodyweight exercise, (did I not warn you that these DSWs were hard-core?), handy tips in the following video on how to work up to these.
Thrusters: Yup, again. Seven reps then straight onto the next exercise
Knees to elbows: Kinesiology being the sly temptress that she is, ensures that when we move a limb through a great range of motion, barely any of the muscles in that limb are being utilised.
In this example, lady kinesiology teaches us that the abdominals raise the thighs via the hip-joint, with the quadriceps doing nothing more that a little fundamental stability work.
Powerful abs + flexibility = high kicks, a nice surprise maneuver against any opponent, and a good tactic for creating distance between oneself and short blade wielders. With the added bonus of being able to shout “This is Sparta”, if one is so inclined to do so.
Deadlifts: If you’ve perused ‘The Asgardian Power-House’ workout you would have already encountered these wonderful whole body power building bad boys.
Burpees: Researched as I have I cannot fathom how this exercise got its name. However, it is very versatile, training you to dodge under and over attacks in one tidy package.
Kettle bell swings: These are very handy for the RPG warrior enthusiasts who like to play it two-handed weapon style, this will add plenty of power to those Claymore uppercuts we all adore.
Also with the power generated in the shoulders will make bringing up a shield or sword to block or parry with the greatest of ease.
Pull ups: Yup, these again. By the time you’re done with this DSW, you should have levelled up your pull ups to an insane amount.
I must point out, that doing all these pull ups on consecutive days, (as well as some of the other exercises), seem not to follow the rules of kinesiology, it does though, just not if you want hypertrophy; you’ll get some, that’s inevitable.
The point of overworking the muscles in such a brutal manner is to force your body to adapt to the movement, ‘tricking’ your muscles into thinking it’s a common occurrence during its daily doings. Just like a Martial artist ‘tricks’ his body into attacking with great speed by spending endless hours drilling the same punch, kick, block or throw.
Now you just have to repeat that six more circuits. Enjoy the burn.
Challenge time: The best that can be humanly, (or rather inhumanly), managed on this is around 20 minutes, but for now aim to complete in 30 to 40 minutes.
Another workout with only two exercises, it last 5 rounds of the following exercises:
Muscle-ups: If you’ve ever watched the awesome show ‘Ninja Warrior’, you may have seen some of the contestants warming up for the event doing these. Perform 7 reps of these per round. The following video actually has good advice.
Burpees: Again, but imagine now, beloved reader, the agility you will have developed that is combat situation orientated by combining these two exercises, perform a harsh set of 21 reps per round of these.
Now simply repeat 4 more times.
Challenge time: 15 minutes, harsh I know, but as that amazing biological machine that is the human body adapts, you’ll look back on how hard all this seemed and have a wee chuckle to yourself.
This will seem like taking it easy, it’s the same workout as Monday’s, but remember to keep tabs on improving running the mile at the beginning and end of the session and improving the reps on the other exercises. There are target reps and times to get the best results from this workout.
If it’s any consolation, your friendly neighbourhood Rogue Advisor, has ditched the Spiderman DSW, (I did complete it to ensure it worked before publishing), and is currently using this regime. Although I do not own kettlebells, thus substitute weight discs with a chain securing them together.
Phase 2: Almost the same 5 workouts – 4 weeks
The same as last phase, however; by the end of this phase you should have shaved a minute off both the one mile runs. You should be performing 30 pull ups, 75 press ups and 200 squats. Feel the burn baby.
Challenge time: You should be getting closer to 40 minutes by now, but 45 to 50 is still very respectable.
On Tuesdays, keep increasing the weight on the thrusters, but reverse the exercise order.
Challenge time: Still a mere 10 minutes, but you will eventually get there. 15 to 20 minutes should roughly be your current time by now.
This is where it gets a little nastier. By now you’ve realised this mid-week workout is the most brutal.
Now it’s something that I like to call ”The Eight’. That’s right, beloved reader, it’s the same as ‘The Seven’ but eight reps on all exercises and eight circuits.
Challenge time: Is now 22 minutes, to account for the added resp, but you should be close to 30 minutes by now.
Nothing changes on the Thursday, that workout is set in stone as a stand alone steadfast bad boy already.
Challenge time: 15 minutes, in all likelihood, you’re probably doing it in 20 by now.
You already know the drill, I’m sure. Just keep aiming for more reps and less time.
Phase 3: Almost the same 5 workouts – 4 weeks
You guessed it, the same as last phase and the phase before, however; by the end of this phase you hopefully should be running a very respectable eight minute mile and be performing 40 pull ups, 100 press ups and 250 squats.
Challenge time: You should be getting closer to 40 minutes by now, but 45 is still very respectable.
Change the exercise order back to Phase 1’s, you will then notice an awesome increase in both resistance and reduction in time.
Challenge time: 10 minutes still, you should have hit it after the cheeky technique swap. But if not don’t worry, this is an extremely hard workout.
This is the point in the plan that you will really hate me. Now you are to perform nine reps and nine circuits. I call it ‘The Bloody Nine’. Enjoy
Challenge time: Due to added reps, 25 minutes. You should be close to that already. Keep at it.
Don’t mess with Thursday. It’s perfect as it is.
Challenge time: 15 minutes, as this has remain unchanged, you should have at least breached the 20 minute mark.
Just keep going as you were. Hopefully by now your mile runs are so fast that all yo need is a Flux Capacitor to enjoy some time in 85.
Challenge time: Still 40 minutes, but whilst you’ve been shaving time off the runs, the extra reps on the resistance training could have counteracted that.
As always remember to stretch straight after the workout, it will aid in recovery.
Not much to say here, with the brutal intensity of the workouts you’ll be able to eat pretty much what you want. That doesn’t mean pigging out on crappy foods though.
You already know the foods to avoid, confectionery, fizzy drinks, kebabs and the such. Make sure you get plenty of quality carbs from wholemeal sources, fruit, veg and lean meats for protein, never exceed 32 grams per meal, nor 90 grams of carbs.
Make sure each meal is at least three hours apart, otherwise the liver cannot process all the nutrients and store them as subcutaneous fat. If it’s in your budget splash out on a Glutamine supplement, that stuff gets you healing like Wolverine.
So what’s next?
You could, keep going with the last phase indefinitely, becoming more badass on a regular basis. Or you could take Monday and Friday’s workouts, remove the time limit and have a fairly comprehensive general fitness routine that you could do 3 to 4 times a week.
Alternatively, you could try your friendly neighbourhood Rogue’s tactics, when finished with one DSW, move on to the next. Give it a go, it keeps it interesting.