The Dark Side of Comics

It looks like our chums at DC comics are actually going to go ahead with the Justice League movie, even imdb has an entry for them stating the release date as June 2015.  Christian Bale may even be returning as Batman as DC try to strike back at Marvel and all their recent hyperbolic skullduggery. But it seems DC have an ace up their sleeve.


Justice League Dark

In a recent interview with Total Film about his new movie Mama, Guillermo del Toro discussed characters he wanted to bring to the screen from comics.

“I am going to be presenting my storyline to DC and Warners of where I want to take this universe. We do have a writer, but until that is firmed up, I have to keep it a secret. I hope it happens,” he said.

“It’s going really well. It’s like meeting old friends. I grew up with Demon Etrigan, with Swamp Thing, with Deadman, so these are characters that are near and dear to my heart.”

“I’d love to use the origins that are proper to each character. I love the idea of Jason Blood as a paladin and a knight…. I love the entire Constantine mythology, the Dead Man mythology, the Alex Holland Swamp Thing mythology. These are really rich things to well, and to dig.”

The rumours flying around give the still unconfirmed project the working names of Heaven Sent, Dark Universe and of course Justice League Dark. The anti-hero super group features the likes of John Constantine, who already had his own movie in 2005 staring Keanu, (fight off the woodpeckers), Reeves, Swamp Thing, the protagonist of Wes Craven’s 1982 film of the same name and also The Demon, Phantom Stranger, The Spectre, father / daughter magicians Zatara and Zatanna, and Deadman, a title del Toro was rumoured to be bringing to the silver screen until it was stalled in development.

With these tasty tidbits of rumour and / or information, it seems that DC, if all goes well, will have the perfect counterattack against all the gems that Marvel have turned up and have future plans to continue. That is unless the hybrid freak known as Disney-Marvel-Lucas Film retaliate with . .


Dark Avengers

That’s right, beloved reader, whenever one or the other, DC or Marvel, has a version of something, you can bet your flux capacitor the other will have their own counterpart.

Just who are these clearly nefarious characters?

Iron Patriot: Norman Osborn, (Green goblin), managed to take Tony Stark’s place as director of H.A.M.M.E.R. which is S.H.I.E.L.D.‘s successor after the Invasion of Skrulls storyline. Osborn went about creating a new avengers team, but lacking the actual Ironman and Captain America. Without these heroic figures he came up with the Iron Patriot, StarkTech armour improvised from items confiscated from Stark’s armoury together with Cap’s colouration to goad the public with iconic imagery.

A shot of the Iron Patriot from upcoming Ironman 3. Other shots show James Rupert "Rhodey" Rhodes inside the armour. Surely he should be War Machine.

A shot of the Iron Patriot from upcoming Ironman 3. Other shots show James Rupert “Rhodey” Rhodes inside the armour. Surely he should be War Machine.

Osborn’s technical expertise, however, was lacking and he couldn’t get the armour’s repulsor generators to work, (let’s be realistic about things, he’s no Tony Stark, eh?), he ended up replacing it with the weaker Uni-Beam, that had a star-shaped output.

Venom: Not the original Venom; Eddie Brock. Not the second incarnation; crime Don Angelo Fortunato, but the third to take up the symbiotic suit; Mac Gargan. Formerly known as the Scorpion. Whilst wearing the suit and capering alongside the Iron Patriot, he poses as your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. Nasty business.

Bullseye: He dresses like Hawkeye but this isn’t Clint Barton. This is Lester, the psychopathic assassin that has an uncanny aim, only on a few rare occasions has he missed moving targets. He uses the opportunities afforded by his profession to satisfy his homicidal tendencies and to keep his mind off the grudge he holds against Daredevil.

Lovelly chap really. Apart from his personal vendetta against a blind lawyer.

Lovely chap really. Apart from his personal vendetta against a blind lawyer.

Daken: Real name Akihiro, he is the mutant son of Wolverine and his deceased Japanese wife Itsu. He poses as his father without difficulty, having similar powers; accelerated, (to extreme regenerative craziness), healing factor, heightened sense of smell and retractable Muramasa steel coated claws, (created from the original Muramasa blade), 2 of which originate from the back of his hands, whilst the third comes from inside his wrists. He obviously doesn’t have the adamantium skeleton  like his dad, but makes up for that disadvantage by having telepathic immunity and a crazy pheromone ability. He can use this pheromone manipulation ability to disguise his own smell, making him ‘invisible’ to Wolverine’s scent tracking and also to change the emotional and sensory state in other beings, instilling sensation such as fear, psychotic rage and even sexual attraction. Definitely one of the nastier characters in both Avengers and X-men. EEK.

Duking it out with pops.

Duking it out with pops.

Moonstone: Real name Karla Sofen, born the daughter of a butler to a movie producer, she managed to become somewhat of a success with her own psychological practice. She used her psychiatric credentials to access the prison cell of Byron Becton – the original Moonstone. Then using hypnosis, she warped his mind into believing he was a disgusting, hideous monster. She was so convincing  that the psychological trauma caused his body to reject the moonstone and it became hers. In the Dark Avengers she poses in the place of Ms.Marvel.

Why are the evil ones always so sexy?

Why are the evil ones always so sexy?

Ares: The son of Zeus and Hera. Quite the credentials. It was never really confirmed who he was supposed to be posing as; one would assume he was meant to take Thor’s place but he always brought his customary sword and / or axe to the party. No matter though, he didn’t last long. He was killed in Siege #2 by the next chap.

Ares taking a kicking from The Sentry. Embarrasing really.

Ares taking a kicking from The Sentry. Embarrassing really.

The Sentry: Yep. As you can see from the picture above he’s one of those, run-of-the-mill-not-really-thought-out-caped-twats-with-vague-powers. His abilities ostensibly come from a serum, similar yet more powerful than the one used on Captain America, that moves his molecules an instant ahead of current time. Whatever that means. Doesn’t really matter, because he went rogue in Siege #3 just before being killed by Thor in Siege #4. Thanks Thor.

Noh-Varr: A prize-winningly cheesy name for a character. Noh-Varr is a member of the Kree race, from the alternate reality of Earth-200080, (we are on Earth-616 by the way). So we’ve got alien and another dimension story in one. He was also enhanced with insect DNA, ahem, giving him enhanced reflexes, speed, strength, and endurance as well as being triple jointed, allowing him to negotiate even the trickiest close environments. Probably his greatest power is the ability to re-route neurological impulses and suppress any stimulus that is unwanted. In Civil War: Young Avengers /Runaways he uses this ability to perform a ‘White run’, defeating Hulkling, Karolina Dean, Wiccan and Xavin in under 5 seconds. His constitution allows him to digest any organic compound without harmful effects, this also increases recovery from wounds or extreme stress.


Mr. Varr. Try saying that with a straight face.

In addition to all that whacky business, Noh-Varr’s spit has infectious biological properties that cause hallucinations and gives him a small degree of mind control. Each of his fingernails can grow into a crystalline spike, which can then be inserted into an opponent and left to explode! He also has access to a wide-range of Kree technology and has the know how to create the means for interdimensional travel. As much as an asset as he was to the team, pretending to be Marvel Boy, he left Dark Avengers #6 and joined the actual Avengers.

I hope that got your geek glands juicy.

Until next time. Stay informed.

Klaatu Barada Nikto

Three seemingly innocuous words, with unknown meaning and little literary worth. Or are they? In the true spirit of geekyness, nerdiness and the downright awesome; your friendly neighbourhood Rogue Advisor brings you easter eggs that have been hidden in movie greats in a referencing conspiracy spanning over 40 years.

Prepare yourself, beloved reader, to be informed

This is Gort. He can disintegrate stuff with his 'eye'. Fear him earthlings.

This is Gort. He can disintegrate stuff with his ‘eye’. Fear him earthlings.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

The first time these words were used was way back in 1951. Edmund H. North who wrote The Day the Earth Stood Still, created an entire alien language for the movie. The spelling of the phrase as used in this article, is considered the official spelling, taken directly from the original script. The words themselves were meant as a fail-safe feature for diplomatic missions, such as the one Klaatu and Gort make to Earth in the film.



Near the end of the movie, Klaatu he tells Helen Benson about his killing machine, Gort, and asks her to memorize the phrase to stop it from killing everyone on Earth, saying “There’s no limit to what he can do. He could destroy the Earth… If anything should happen to me you must go to Gort, you must say these words, ‘Klaatu barada nikto’, please repeat that.”

Shortly after, Klaatu is shot and killed. Gort, knowing he has died, goes on the rampage with his disintegration eye beam and undisputed invulnerability. It’s then up to Helen to stop the massacre by saying, “Gort, Klaatu barada nikto. Klaatu barada nikto.” Yay.

Apparently Keanu, (fight off the woodpeckers), Reeves wanted to include the words in the 2008 remake, but no one cared about him so it didn’t happen.

Mmmm, Carrie Fisher slave.

Mmmm, Carrie Fisher slave.

Return of the Jedi

Didn’t see that one coming, eh? That’s right, beloved reader, the next time the words are used in a movie was in the form of three character names in 1983’s Return of the Jedi.

Klaatu: An indentured servant, working off a large gambling debt to the Hutt himself, but he was secretly plotting to kill Jabba. He’s the poor sap that gets cut in half by Luke Skywalker on Jabba’s sail barge.


Barada: A Klatooinian slave and mechanic who worked on Jabba’s pool of repulsor vehicles. He was trying to pay his way out of slavery with the work but the Hutt had tricked him by taking room and food from his wages, leaving him skint. Despite this he was considered a royal servant with great responsibilities and underlings, mainly in the form of droids.


Nikto: Strange name for this easy to miss minor character, because Nikto are in fact an entire species. They are a kind of ‘client’ species in cahoots with the Hutt gangster empire. These reptilian humanoids vary widely in appearance but all have leathery skin and are generally of average human height, around 1.8 metres tall. Most have obsidian eyes, sometimes covered with a protective membrane. Massive radiation from the nearby dying star M’dweshuu caused them to experience a faster rate of mutation, traits that should take millions of years developing in mere thousands, giving them the wide variation of appearance.


Army of Darkness

This one is obvious right? The third time these immortal words crop up in the be-dazzling realm of cinema in the third instalment of Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead trilogy.

Continuing from Evil Dead 2, Ash Williams, (Bruce Campbell), has been thrown back in time to the middle ages and is forced once again to battle the undead on his quest to return home. In order to retrieve the Necronomicon which has the power to return him to his own time, the words must be spoken precisely or doom and other undesirable business will occur.

The film was made in agreement with a production deal after Darkman was such a success. Universal Studios premiered the movie at the Sitges Film Festival, October 9th 1992 and release in the US on February 19th 1993. The film was dedicated to Irvin Shapiro, who died during its production.

The Japanese movie poster. In that whacky banana shaped land of all things groovy, the film was called Army of Darkness: Captain Supermarket. Nice one Japan.

The Japanese release movie poster. In that whacky banana shaped land of all things groovy, the film was called Army of Darkness: Captain Supermarket. Nice one Japan.

If your geek glands aren’t raging after that, there must be something seriously wrong with your endocrine system.

Until next time. Stay informed.